Why Are Men So Awkward?

This past Friday night is the first time in a long time I had multiple events on one night.  My first instinct at the end of a work week is to throw on sweats and curl up on the couch with Netflix, especially when temps dip into the single digits.  However, on this Friday night I had a birthday happy hour at one bar, dinner with a friend at another, and then it was to a third bar to hang out with Eggs (see previous post).  The first happy hour was ok but I didn’t know most of the people there.  I did recognize an old acquaintance who now has maybe the fullest handlebar mustache I’ve ever seen.  He greeted me with a story about the exterior wall of his house collapsing and ended with being stuck with a high bill in a brothel in Rome.  At that point, I decided to leave.  As interesting as it was, I was not in the mood to entertain crazy that evening.  Little did I know . . . 

The next stop was dinner with a friend.  Dinner was great- fire-roasted pizza and beers.  Honestly, I think this should be the mainstay meal for every Friday night but maybe that’s just me.  The pizza place was small so you had to ask for a key to use the bathroom.  When I went to hand the key back to the cashier he said, “Oh we want patrons to leave the key between the door and the door frame so the bathroom can air out.”  Wait, what?!  He starts cracking up and the cook behind him says, “Just ignore him.  He’s crackin’ a joke.  That’s how he flirts.”  FYI guys, insinuating that I just smelled up the public restroom at your pizza joint is neither a turn-on or flattering.  Good luck with getting girls.  On that note, it was time to leave.

I’m finally at Eggs’ bar but it is a MADHOUSE.  They were having a burlesque show, which sounded like a lot of fun, but that’s probably why the bar was overflowing with people.  I don’t see Eggs at this point (he must be at the downstairs bar) but they’re not letting anyone down there due to capacity issues so we head to another bar for a drink and wait for the air to clear.  When we finally make it back to Eggs’ bar, it’s still crowded but we find a seat.  At that point, I go up to get drinks and who’s there but Eggs in the flesh (yay!).  He gives me a look like, ‘this is crazy but I’m glad to see your face’ and tells me he’ll bring me the drinks.  I point him out to my friend and she says, “That’s Eggs?!  I noticed him the first time we came in- he’s hot!”  Yeeeeah he is.

Eventually things settled down, my friend headed out, and I was left at the bar until Eggs finished his shift and the bar closed.  I got hit on in by a bachelor party group, a very drunk birthday boy, and an awkward 20-something who was still transitioning from college to post-college life.  I was told the following in about the time span of an hour:  You’re beautiful. I like the way you accessorize. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Do you have a ride home? Can I have your number? Do I make you feel creeped out? I don’t talk to girls much so am I doing ok?  How are you getting home?  I finally said to these men, I’m going home with the bartender.  It was classic.  The look on their faces was surprise? Astonishment?  Then of course they looked at Eggs like, do you know she plans to go home with you?  Of course Eggs tried to play it cool but he definitely was chuckling under his breath.  Although I am not totally surprised by these drunk men an their behavior, I will give them this- it made for an interesting Friday night.